The Chemistry of Love: Theoretical Approaches to Partner Selection

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Natural Theory. Men look for:enhancement of the speciesclassic beautygood bone structure clear skin, sparkly hairbright eyes, red lipsrosy cheeks. Natural Theory. Ladies look for:pronounced

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´╗┐The Chemistry of Love: Theoretical Approaches to Partner Selection Based on hypotheses of Harvell Hendrex Linda L. Zimmerman, M.A., LCPC Professor of Student Development

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Men search for: upgrade of the species exemplary excellence great bone structure clear skin, gleaming hair brilliant eyes, red lips blushing cheeks Biological Theory

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Biological Theory Women search for: articulated " alpha" qualities capacity to command different guys capacity to bring home more than their share of the slaughter.

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Social Psychology Theory "Trade" hypothesis of mate choice: We select mates who are pretty much our equivalents We search for youth, magnificence, social status, engage, knowledge, empathy.

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Persona Theory Each of us has a cover, a persona we indicate other individuals. In view of the capability of the suitor to upgrade our mental self portrait. You feel more alluring, attractive when with this individual. You feel better about yourself to be seen with this individual.

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The general population we are pulled in to appear to take after each other nearly. We appear to look for an extremely distinct arrangement of positive and negative qualities. Physical Personality

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Partner Selection Three Theories: 1. organic 2. social brain science 3. persona All have some legitimacy, yet is there additional to how we select accomplices?

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How is the mind required in shaping connections? Neuroscientist Paul McLean proposes a model that partitions the mind into three concentric layers: 1. Cerebral Cortex - "new" mind 2. Limbic System - "old" mind 3. Cerebrum Stem - "old" mind

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1. Cerebral Cortex " New" Brain most exceedingly created in people in contact with every day surroundings cognizant, ready, coherent, settles on choices considers, watches, plans, suspects, reacts arranges data, makes thoughts

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2. Limbic System - "Old" Brain Located around the highest point of the mind stem Generates striking feelings. fear hostility minding enthusiastic agony joy

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3. Cerebrum Stem - "Old Reptilian" Brain Most primitive layer, directs: proliferation self-protection crucial capacities - dissemination of blood, breathing, dozing, compression of muscles physical activity

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Old Brain Logic The main thing the old mind thinks about in regards to others is whether they are somebody to: support be sustained by engage in sexual relations with flee from submit to assault

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The Old Brain Remembers has no feeling of straight time. is caught in a juvenile point of view anticipates that us will be dealt with as we were as infants When current occasions trigger the old cerebrum, we can all of a sudden vibe irate, dismal, relinquished, perplexed.

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What Happens? 1. Before birth we are protected and warm in our mom's womb. 2. Birth (impolitely) drives us out of our untainted presence. 3. After birth for a brief span we are bound together with ourselves and superbly associated with the world.

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Socialization Occurs teaching with social orders laws, convictions, and qualities messages transmitted about our identity and how we ought to carry on points of confinement on the individual socialization turns into a type of psychic harm

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Socialization Occurs socialization turns into a type of psychic damage

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Body Taboos, Sensuality, Sexuality We are instructed: not to touch our private parts. to cover certain parts of our bodies. to feel shame and blame when standards are ruptured. to repudiate parts of our exotic nature.

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The False Self Sexually Repressive, Distant Mother The youngster may: turn into an "intense person" who reveals to himself he can make it all alone. overstate issues in the trust somebody will act the hero accumulate love and material items, however will never have enough

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Child's Stages in Reaction to Parental Repression 1. Conceals taboo conduct from guardians 2. Thinks irate musings yet does not talk them resoundingly 3. Investigates his body in the security of his room

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Child's Stages in Reaction to Parental Repression 4. prods more youthful kin when guardians are away 5. in the long run chooses a few contemplations and emotions must be dispensed with

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Child's Stages in Reaction to Parental Repression 6. gets a jar of uneasiness at whatever point he/she approaches the taboo musings or practices 7. builds a nonexistent parent in his mind to police his/her considerations and activities (superego)

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Negative Emotions Some guardians: attempt to coax youngsters out of being furious or vexed. disregard irate sentiments. rebuff kid for his/her outrage.

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Negative Emotions The youngster responds by: quelling his/her outrage. disguising the outrage. attempting to repudiate that piece of the self.

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The Disowned Self 1. "lost self" - the parts curbed in light of requests of society

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The Disowned Self 2. "false self" - the exterior raised to fill the void made by constraint and absence of satisfactory sustaining

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The Disowned Self 3. "abandoned self" - negative parts of the false self that met with objection and were along these lines denied

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Fusers Grew up with guardians who were not or couldn't be close, warm, or supporting - chilly, isolates. Isolators Grew up with guardians who couldn't or would not give them a chance to investigate or wander out - immersing, binding. Two Distinct Types Develop

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Fusers Unconsciously fear deserting Always need to "do things together." Appear to be shaky Hold on too tight Appear poor Generally select an "isolator" as an accomplice

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Isolators Unconsciously push others away, "require space" Feels fear when things turn out to be excessively private Fears being bound, stuck Generally select a fuser as an accomplice

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Fusers and Isolators These two sorts have a tendency to grow up and wed each other, in this way starting an incensing session of push and draw that leaves neither one of the partners fulfilled. Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., Getting the Love you Want, 1998.

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Your Personality Contains: in place parts of your unique self. certain parts of your false self. We intensely trust that finding the ideal mate will make us entire once more.

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What are we truly looking for?* somebody to compensate for the mental and enthusiastic harm we encountered in our youth somebody to mend our imperceptible adolescence scars *according to Harville Hendrix

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Will We Find It in Another Person?

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Or Must We Look for IT in Ourselves?

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