The Chemistry of Love: Theoretical Approaches to Partner Selection

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Organic Theory. Men look for:enhancement of the speciesclassic beautygood bone structure clear skin, glossy hairbright eyes, red lipsrosy cheeks. Natural Theory. Ladies look for:pronounced

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´╗┐The Chemistry of Love: Theoretical Approaches to Partner Selection Based on speculations of Harvell Hendrex Linda L. Zimmerman, M.A., LCPC Professor of Psychology and Student Development

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Men search for: upgrade of the species exemplary excellence great bone structure clear skin, gleaming hair splendid eyes, red lips ruddy cheeks Biological Theory

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Biological Theory Women search for: articulated " alpha" qualities capacity to overwhelm different guys capacity to bring home more than their share of the slaughter.

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Social Psychology Theory "Trade" hypothesis of mate determination: We select mates who are pretty much our equivalents We search for youth, excellence, social status, fascinate, knowledge, sympathy.

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Persona Theory Each of us has a cover, a persona we demonstrate other individuals. In light of the capability of the suitor to upgrade our mental self view. You feel more alluring, attractive when with this individual. You feel better about yourself to be seen with this individual.

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The general population we are pulled in to appear to look like each other nearly. We appear to look for an exceptionally clear arrangement of positive and negative characteristics. Physical Personality

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Partner Selection Three Theories: 1. organic 2. social brain science 3. persona All have some legitimacy, however is there additional to how we select accomplices?

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How is the mind required in framing connections? Neuroscientist Paul McLean recommends a model that partitions the cerebrum into three concentric layers: 1. Cerebral Cortex - "new" cerebrum 2. Limbic System - "old" cerebrum 3. Cerebrum Stem - "old" mind

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1. Cerebral Cortex " New" Brain most profoundly created in people in contact with day by day surroundings cognizant, ready, legitimate, settles on choices considers, watches, plans, suspects, reacts sorts out data, makes thoughts

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2. Limbic System - "Old" Brain Located around the highest point of the cerebrum stem Generates striking feelings: fear hostility minding passionate torment delight

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3. Cerebrum Stem - "Old Reptilian" Brain Most primitive layer, supervises: proliferation self-safeguarding essential capacities - dissemination of blood, breathing, resting, constriction of muscles physical activity

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Old Brain Logic Regarding others, the old mind needs to know whether they are somebody to: sustain be supported by have intercourse with flee from submit to assault

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What the Old Brain Remembers It has no feeling of direct time. It is caught in a puerile point of view It anticipates that us will be dealt with as we were as children

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When current occasions trigger the old mind, we can all of a sudden vibe furious, tragic, relinquished, apprehensive.

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What Happens? 1. Before birth we are sheltered and warm in our mom's womb. 2. Birth (inconsiderately) compels us out of our untainted presence. 3. After birth for a brief timeframe we are brought together with ourselves and flawlessly associated with the world.

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Socialization Occurs inculcation with social orders laws, convictions, and qualities messages transmitted about our identity and how we ought to carry on points of confinement on the individual socialization turns into a type of psychic damage

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Socialization Occurs socialization turns into a type of psychic harm

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Body Taboos, Sensuality, Sexuality We are instructed: not to touch our private parts. to cover certain parts of our bodies. to feel shame and blame when standards are broken. to abandon parts of our erotic nature .

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The False Self Sexually Repressive, Distant Mother The kid may: turn into an "extreme person" who reveals to himself he can make it all alone. overstate issues in the trust somebody will act the hero accumulate love and material articles, yet will never have enough

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Child's Stages in Reaction to Parental Repression 1. Conceals illegal conduct from guardians 2. Thinks furious considerations however does not talk them out loud 3. Investigates his body in the security of his room

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Child's Stages in Reaction to Parental Repression 4. prods more youthful kin when guardians are away 5. in the long run chooses a few contemplations and sentiments must be wiped out

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Child's Stages in Reaction to Parental Repression 6. gets a shock of uneasiness at whatever point he/she approaches the illegal considerations or practices 7. develops a fanciful parent in his mind to police his/her considerations and activities (superego)

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Negative Emotions Some guardians: attempt to coax youngsters out of being furious or vexed. overlook furious sentiments. rebuff kid for his/her outrage.

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Negative Emotions The youngster responds by: stifling his/her outrage. disguising the outrage. attempting to repudiate that piece of the self.

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The Disowned Self "lost self" - the parts quelled because of requests of society or guardians

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The Disowned Self 2. "false self" - the exterior raised to fill the void made by restraint and absence of satisfactory sustaining

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The Disowned Self 3. "repudiated self" - negative parts of the false self that met with dissatisfaction and were subsequently denied

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Fusers Grew up with guardians who were not or couldn't be close, warm, or sustaining were chilly, withdrawn. Two Distinct Types Develop

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Fusers Unconsciously fear deserting Always need to "do things together." Appear to be shaky Hold on too tight Appear penniless Generally select an "isolator" as an accomplice

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Two Distinct Types Develop Isolators Grew up with guardians who couldn't or would not give them a chance to investigate or wander out Were inundating, limiting.

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Isolators Unconsciously push others away, "require space" Feels fear when things turn out to be excessively private Fears being bound, stuck Generally select a fuser as an accomplice

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Fusers and Isolators These two sorts have a tendency to grow up and wed each other, hence starting a chafing round of push and draw that leaves neither one of the partners fulfilled. Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., Getting the Love you Want, 1998.

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Fuser or Isolator Which one depicts you better? i.e. what is your oblivious need?

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Contains: in place parts of your unique self. certain parts of your false self. Your Personality We intensely trust that finding the ideal mate will make us entire once more.

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What are we truly looking for?* somebody to compensate for the mental and enthusiastic harm we encountered in our adolescence somebody to mend our undetectable youth scars *according to Harville Hendrix

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Will We Find It in Another Person?

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Or Must We Look for IT in Ourselves?

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What do you think?